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I jolt awake and pray not to see 4am

On the clock

The hush of night - a black mass

Every night for twenty eight days

I am so tired


The howling through the walls

The amber light I cannot sleep without

Ominous when I’m alone


A stranger whispering something I don’t understand

His skin is blue, just like me

Are you really there beyond the veil?

or did my damaged mind fabricate you to keep me company?


I’m spinning, then tumbling

Till I can’t move or speak


There’s a livid drone ringing in my ears

as I wait for the birds to greet me

And the pale blue to creep into my window


I rise - a wilting flower

But still,

With all the other flowers I lean towards the sun


Wishing that the dark hours would not return




I have always lived in the grips of loving arms and shackles at once

Deeply dependent

With wavering trust in who I’ve become

The pattern flows from blood to water


Grateful, though secluded

Firm, yet helpless.


They mock my tears

The ones they never cry - wondering if they are broken

Yet I wonder the same

And recognise that we grieve alike


I felt myself slowly crawl out of the thick, wet soil

Bountiful and lush life surrounding me

Only to pull me in again and swallow


why so soon?


Weary, I drown because I cannot swim

The omnipotent ocean

Dousing me - doubting me

I pursue the same path




I look towards sheets of violet and green 
I take a deep breath 
And I feel free
A glowing orb of warm, loving energy 
I take in the fire through my body and release

As the dust falls, from our nails and our skin
We scream across the water, weightless to ascend 

I shut my eyes and only open once when I am ready
A pleasure once lost.

Here I write an elegy to an era of disquiet 
Still with a heavy heart, I feel so much love

Heavy still,

I’ve found somewhere to rest 

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