I
23/11/21
I jolt awake and pray not to see 4am
On the clock
The hush of night - a black mass
Every night for twenty eight days
I am so tired
The howling through the walls
The amber light I cannot sleep without
Ominous when I’m alone
A stranger whispering something I don’t understand
His skin is blue, just like me
Are you really there beyond the veil?
or did my damaged mind fabricate you to keep me company?
I’m spinning, then tumbling
Till I can’t move or speak
There’s a livid drone ringing in my ears
as I wait for the birds to greet me
And the pale blue to creep into my window
I rise - a wilting flower
But still,
With all the other flowers I lean towards the sun
Wishing that the dark hours would not return
II
23/11/21
I have always lived in the grips of loving arms and shackles at once
Deeply dependent
With wavering trust in who I’ve become
The pattern flows from blood to water
Grateful, though secluded
Firm, yet helpless.
They mock my tears
The ones they never cry - wondering if they are broken
Yet I wonder the same
And recognise that we grieve alike
I felt myself slowly crawl out of the thick, wet soil
Bountiful and lush life surrounding me
Only to pull me in again and swallow
why so soon?
Weary, I drown because I cannot swim
The omnipotent ocean
Dousing me - doubting me
I pursue the same path
III
1/12/21
I look towards sheets of violet and green
I take a deep breath
And I feel free
A glowing orb of warm, loving energy
I take in the fire through my body and release
As the dust falls, from our nails and our skin
We scream across the water, weightless to ascend
I shut my eyes and only open once when I am ready
A pleasure once lost.
Here I write an elegy to an era of disquiet
Still with a heavy heart, I feel so much love
Heavy still,
I’ve found somewhere to rest